If your potential customers are robots, don't read this.

Sick of having tiny sales from AI generated emails?

It's probably because your audience are not robots.

Now, I could be wrong, in which case reach out to me... I'd love to meet those robots.

 

If, as I suspect, your audience of potential customers are human...

 

They are smart cookies and can spot an AI generated email at 27 paces…

 

… 97 with good eyesight.

 

And as humans do, your audience can't wait for a reason to stop reading…

 

Netflix promises they’ve got their next binge watch…

Tax returns suddenly look very appealing…

Buying a competitor's lower quality product seems an only option…

 

Your audience is looking for any reason at all to stop reading your email.

 

And you are innocently giving them those reasons, which is why your sales are tiny, if not zero.

Are you struggling to write an effective sales email?

But isn't email marketing dead now?

 

Far from it...

 

A recent OptinMonster report shows email is the first thing people check in the morning - a whopping 58% compared to Social media languishing at 14%.

 

Email is 40X more effective than social media for customer acquisitions.

 

 

And what about the ROI?

 

Brace yourself...

 

According to Omnisend, the average ROI is US$40 for every US$1 of spend. 

 

Outperforming SEO (US$22.24), mobile (US$10.51), keyword Ads (US$17) and Banner ads (US$2).

 

There are some companies out there achieving up to US$70 per US$1 invested.

 

 

And the future of email marketing?

 

It's an effective marketing strategy with no sign of slowing.

 

6 out of every 10 email subscribers make a purchase decision.

 

 

According to Global Industry Analysts, email marketing revenue worldwide is currently US$13.69 billion and due to grow to US$17.9 billion by 2027.

 

Now, I'm not making you any promises, just giving you the facts.

 

 

Convinced email is worth your time yet?

 

 

Good. Let's move on.

 

Chances are, you’ve been  sending AI generated emails in order to cut your costs...

 

Hang hassle out to dry and maximise your precious time.

 

And I get it.

 

Who knows what’s going to happen in the future, right?

 

But…

 

Here’s what is happening…

 

 

You are innocently sending out AI generated e-meh-ls.

 

 

An e-meh-l... you know... bland... boring... meh... take it or leave it…

 

Causing your audience's eyeballs to wander…

 

Remember Netflix, Tax returns and buying a competitor's lower quality product?

 

And this creates tiny sales, small engagement and big headaches for you.

 

 

 

How do you keep eyeballs on your emails and wallets open?

 

Use my simple, easy, fast and cheap WATCHES method.

 

Words: Are you using these words, causing your reader’s eyeballs to leave?
 

Adverbs: Often weakens your message because people have got used to seeing them - are they really needed?
 

'That': The most overused word in recent years. Strike it out, if the sentence sill makes sense without 'that', keep it out. 
 

Long words: Why use long words when a short one is easier to understand quickly?
 

Jargon: Useful for speed if everyone knows what the jargon means, if not can you take it out?
 

Abbreviations: Useful for speed if everyone knows what it means, give full meaning then abbreviate afterwards.

 

If you can eliminate any or all of  these from your email and the sentence still makes sense, you’ll tighten your writing up, making it easier to read.

 

 

Action: What do you want your reader to do afterwards?

 

This is so important to keep in mind when writing your email.

 

Write it on a PostIt and stick it to your laptop…

Write it at the top of your pad of paper…

Set it up as a reminder on your mobile…

 

Whatever you need to do, I can’t stress enough how important this is to keep your writing focused.

 

 

Trust: Are you helping your reader know, like and trust you?

 

People respond to people they know, like and trust… It's biology.
Share stories, information and insights that continuously demonstrate your authority, empathy, vulnerability and value.

This is not about telling them what you want to say, it’s about giving them what they want to know.

 

 

Clarity: Is your reader doing mental gymnastics understanding your email?
 

If your message isn’t simple, easy and fast to understand and take action on, guess what? 
Your reader will stop reading at the first chance they get and you’ll lose them forever. 

 

 

How long: Is it better to write long or short emails?

 

So, there’s no magic word length. 

 

Your email is as long as it needs to be to give the information your audience is looking for.

If your reader is interested in what you have to say, they’ll read every word.

I’ve written 250 word emails and 800 word emails that have been read all the way through.

I’ve read 200 word emails and 2,000 word emails because I was interested in the content.

 

A note about short emails…

 

If you want someone to take action after reading your emails, it’s very difficult to achieve this in less than 200 words, not impossible, just very difficult. 

 

This is because the brain needs to go through certain steps to make a decision and respond to your email, which over 100 years of testing has confirmed, requires more than 200 words. 

 

Now…

 

There is a 9 word email that works to reconnect with readers who have stopped opening your emails, but this won’t work connecting with new readers for the first time.

 

 

Entertain: Can you use humour, tell a story, keep your reader engaged?

 

Yes! Use humour wherever you can if the subject matter is suitable and you know your audience well.

 

Always aim to add value for your reader whenever and however you can.

 

You’ll make their day and you’ll build the know, like and trust that leads to increased action. 

Doesn’t matter what you share… trivia, story, a discovery you’ve made.

 

I discovered last week the music genre Rap is an acronym for ‘Rhythm and poetry.’

 

 

Subject line: Is it good enough to stand out in a crowded inbox?
 

While subject lines are worth a whole site on their own, here’s a simple way to create it… look at your finished email, your headline will be there. 

 

You might need to search a bit, but it’s there… I promise you.  

 

This is why I left this last. It’s easier to come up with a good subject line after you’ve written your email.

 

The late great David Ogilvy once said 

 

“Tell the truth but make the truth fascinating!”

 

Here are a few successful headlines where I did just that and readers loved it...

 

'Have you ever seen a Dalek hum through a straw?'

 

'SharePoint Ninjas have been hard at work!'

 

'Do you bounce around like Tigger wired on caffeine? You should do… here’s why…'

 

'Deputy Database is in town…'

 

'This answer my friend isn’t blowing in the wind… but it may blow your mind…'

 

And there you have it… 

 

My simple, easy, fast and cheap WATCHES method.

 

Try it out, let me know how you get on using it, drop me an email on the link below.

 

 

And if you are left scratching your head after trying my WATCHES method...

A frustrated woman still struggling after using my WATCHES method.

Are you left scratching your head after trying my WATCHES method?

I lovingly handcraft unique-to-you emails that your readers salivate in anticipation for, open first in their inbox, read with eyeballs glued to every word all the way to the end and then clamour to give you their card details.

 

 

Every word I write for you is my own.

 

I am a human that lovingly handcrafts unique-to-you emails for humans to read and buy from you.

 

 

A hard to ignore guarantee

 

I am so confident in increasing your audience and send them in droves to buy your product, my guarantee is a simple one:

 

You don't pay me a penny until you see results.

 

That's right... no upfront moola.

 

Makes sense for me to have skin in your game doesn't it?

 

This vastly increases the chances of you seeing the results you're looking for. 

 

And you don't waste your hard earned money.

 

 

OK… but why haven't I heard of you?

 

You've never heard of me before and you won't find me sharing my tips and tricks across the squillion social media platforms. 

 

Because it takes time and effort to do that effectively, and quite honestly I’ve hung that hassle out to dry.

 

I'd rather be focusing my time on helping you get the results you're looking for.

 

Who knows, maybe when we're both comfortably well off I’ll spend more time paying it forward.

 

Right now, my focus is on you. 

 

  • I lovingly handcraft unique-to-you emails that your readers can't wait to open and read.
  • Using my unique approach your audience will eagerly open your email before any others sat in their inbox.
  • Your audience will read with eyeballs glued to every word all the way to the end. 
  • You will be amazed at the clamour of customers opening their wallets begging you to take their money.

 

Every word I write for you is my own.

 

I am a human that lovingly handcrafts unique-to-you emails for humans to read and buy from you.

 

 

 

Oh... and if your potential customers are robots, do this...

 

Pick an AI bot… any will do...

 

Take the time teaching it to write you mechanically generated e-meh-ls.

 

 

Yes AI bots may look like a fast and cheap option...

 

But so do your e-meh-ls as your reader’s eyeballs happily skip past them unopened.

 

 

 

If you have an email problem, if no one else can help, and if you can contact me, maybe you can hire The Emehl Buster.

Chris' signature

The Emehl Buster

Chris' thumb print and a 100% Human Guarantee I do not use AI in any of my writing.

© copyright 2025 Chris Brown. All lefts reversed.

We need your consent to load the translations

We use a third-party service to translate the website content that may collect data about your activity. Please review the details in the privacy policy and accept the service to view the translations.